CINCINNATI -- The blank, oppressive void facing the American consumer populace remains unfulfilled despite the recent launch of the revolutionary Swiffer dust-elimination system, sources reported Monday. The lightweight, easy-to-use Swiffer is the 275,894,973rd amazing new product to fail to fill the void—a vast, soul-crushing spiritual vacuum Americans of all ages face on a daily basis, with nowhere to turn and no way to escape.... Despite high hopes, the Swiffer has failed to imbue a sense of meaning and purpose in the lives of its users.

— The Onion, 2000 Feb 9